Americans are very concerned (some would say
"stress a lot") about what their children do, what they eat, what
they learn (especially at school) and the after-school activities they practice.
The French, less. But they are not quite left out.
There are those who want their kids to try as many
after-school activities as possible and spend a huge amount of time
transporting them from one place to another, those who pick them up at school
every day at lunch time to let them eat at home before bringing them back to
school "because the meal served at school sucks" (even if French
school cafeterias are quite famous for their healthy meals), those who go out
of their way to find bilingual English-French speaking nannies and baby-sitters
(or trilingual or more) for their babies and older children.
I understand all these parents. These behaviors are
always well intended: all parents wish to give his children the best chances in
life. We all believe that present and future happiness of our children depend
on us and we would like to facilitate their journey. Sometimes it is excessive,
but the right balance depends on each family.
My husband and I have from the beginning tried to
find our right balance according to our own definition of balance. We wanted to
let our children discover new horizons without running after
"excellence" at any price and in everything (which seems to be an
illusion). So we tried to offer our children the opportunity of practicing
extra-curricular activities without adding them up. We want it to remain within
certain limits and also to preserve our physical health and mental balance!
But from time to time you can get openly or implicitly
criticized by another parent for the choices you make for your children. This
is part of the “new parents” experiences.
Of
course this happened to me a bunch of time and I am now relatively indifferent to
it. I admit that I also happened to criticize other parents a few times in my
beginnings as a parent. In fact, I am now convinced that there are no good or
bad choices concerning children (of course I am talking here about parents
concerned about their children and their well-being). Any choice has its back
side and those who see things in black and white are generally those who need
to reassure themselves.
But
there are some criticizes I definitely have a hard time to hear about: the ones
formulated to reach you. It is no longer a question of lack of self-confidence,
but of pure wickedness.
It
happened to me a bunch of time, and each time I felt it was particularly
inappropriate, much like when someone criticizes for one’s size, weight,
glasses or clothing choices just because he has unintentionally been irritated.
For
example, I was recently criticized about the number of after-school activities of
my children, not in an excess of kindness towards their fatigue, but simply
because I had irritated these people.
Actually
our guideline in our family is to allow our children to have both one physical
and one artistic activity, as soon as they are reasonably old enough (about 4-5
years old). Our 3 boys are enrolled at the Conservatory (for a musical
activity) and have a weekly swimming lesson (which we fortunately managed to fit
all 3 in
the same schedule on Saturday afternoons!)
But
this year unexpected events have been added to these relatively reasonable
schedules:
- Over
the past few months, each of them had to attend speech therapy sessions at one
time or another,
- For
my 2 oldest boys courses at music Conservatory include at least 3 mandatory
sessions weekly but also at least one or two others strongly advised by the
professors. We gave in the friendly pressures of their teachers and added an
optional course for each of them: orchestra for the biggest and choir for the
2nd,
-
Once the registration at the pool was definitely tied and paid, two of our boys
literally begged us to come back to their soccer games (which they had decided
to stop at the end of last year).
So there
is not much room left for the unexpected in our family time schedule. My
husband or I must each afternoon carry at least one child in at least one
activity, except on Sundays (phew!). It is tense but it remains manageable. However
when there are unforeseen events (such as shows organized by schools or one of
these activities), it is sometimes necessary to make choices.
About
2 times a quarter the orchestra group of my eldest son gives a concert for the
parents. These concerts usually take place on Wednesday afternoons, or on
Saturday afternoons: 1 hour and a half of rehearsals followed by about 1 hour
of concert. But my children have other activities during those afternoons.
These "extras" are therefore generally difficult to fit into the
overall family schedule. We do our best to attend these shows.
However,
at the last concert, we had to leave in the inter-act just before another group
took place, in order to drive the boys to their weekly swimming lesson. We had duly
informed his professor. But when we left, some staff members stared in a bad
way. I felt obliged to give an explanation: I told them that we didn’t want to
be rude but my children had to go to another appointment. But I heard them
whispering in our backs "these children have unbelievably busy schedules"
and when I turned, I saw them shake their heads in disapproval.
It's
little and it's a lot. Actually, if I wanted to have an argument (and
especially if I was not in a hurry!) I would have told them that if I was not
convinced of the benefits of extracurricular activities, I would not bring my
son 3 afternoons a week for 4 lessons to the Conservatory, not to mention the
"extras" made of individual auditions and concerts. In addition, the
solution of facility would be to completely cut off the Conservatory from our
schedule. So they were not in a position to criticize us.
Hearing
or getting half-word criticism by other parents about our educational
principles is unpleasant. But I generally try to see the mark of a distraught
parent who needs to reassure himself by convincing himself that he is right
while the other parent is wrong. But when the criticism is only made as a low
blow, pure rhetoric, it exceeds my threshold of tolerance and penetrates my
hardened skin of experienced parent!
Libellés : English
